VII.

What is desire? A movement, a moment. Desire is an absence, and a finding of pleasure in that very absence. The shadowy image that we perceive at the end of our reach is more than enough. Desire is a stretching out towards nothingness...a groping in the dark, not to find, but to loose ourselves in a moment of complete suspense. Thus desire is never directed toward someone or something – that only comes as our reflective alibi. Desire is a jumping off the edge of reason; desire is the Ego’s suicide. It is that perfect, beautiful moment where there is only the unrestrained search for what one has not lost, what one never needed. So we desperately look for the plot, not daring to face our delusion; for what would then happen to our narrative, so carefully constructed? Desire is not the wish to escape from one state to the other – it is the wish not to be in a state at all.

So what is desire? Desire is destruction. Or rather, in the collision of desire and desired, the latter is completely annulled, drained of any significance. So faced with this horror, we either claw our way back, only to find that desire has already also laid waste to our past...or we plunge blindly into new moments of becoming, forever bound to the hunt.

Desire gives us to ourselves as we really are, which we cannot face. It drags us, sometimes kicking and screaming, sometimes more than willing, from this hollow frame we stubbornly refer to as ”I”. Desire is an intentional without an intended, a denial of possession (though we always make it seem the opposite). Our ghost in the machine...always there as the possibility of the reversal of everything we held important. I don’t desire some-thing; I desire no-thing. I want to be filled to the brink with the ecstasy found only here: In the darkness between the signs. I want to drown in the disharmony of desire, so as to drown out the harmonic structure of my many personas.

As in music, the important is not the notes; these may be transposed with impunity. What matters is the space in between them...the single note will never move us.